Dealing with Homeowner Anxiety

How I'm dealing with anxiety after buying a house.

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When I first moved into this house, I couldn't stop thinking about possibly losing it. And maybe this is a trauma response, I'm not sure, but when I have things go right for me, sometimes my default setting is to think about the catastrophic side of things. The side of things that means I lose every bloody thing. Nine times out of ten, it never seems to happen. But solo homeowner anxiety is real, and I wanted to make sure I've got as much ground covered as possible.

So I'm going to tell you some of the things I've done to curb my anxiety as a solo homeowner.

And I want to preface this by saying I don't have all the answers yet, and there are still some things that I'm figuring out.

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Anxiety around losing the house

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One of the biggest ones that I guess people will be able to relate to is anxiety around losing the house. As you know, when you secure a mortgage, you have to earn enough money to pay that mortgage every single month. So naturally, one of the first things people tend to worry about is, well, what happens if I lose my job? How will I be able to keep the house? What happens if I don't find something else?

So I set about securing mortgage income protection. The policy I'm on costs me fifty pounds a month, and what it means is that if I am made redundant, I'm provided with around eighty percent of my salary for a year, possibly eighteen months, but I have to check the policy again (i've forgotten).

It gives me a year to be able to pay my mortgage, my bills, and live while looking for another position. The obvious caveat is that if I don't find a job within that time period, then I'm screwed. But I think it takes a little bit of the edge off in that it gives you a bit of leeway and a bit of grace. I've also done some research about mortgage grace periods to combat this as well.

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Getting used to being alone

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There are some other anxieties around owning a solo home, and that is just getting used to being alone all of the time. Now I am an introvert and I do love my own company, but sometimes I do worry that I am becoming a bit too much of a recluse. So what I've done is I've made sure that I am prioritising some time during the week, if not during the working day, to talk to friends, whether that's through WhatsApp or over the phone. I'm just prioritising time to communicate with my friends.

It might be the case that I'm not able to communicate with everyone, because I have ADHD, so sometimes things get a bit hectic and I lose track of conversations, but I always try my best to keep in touch with people as much as possible.

I'm also trying to make time at least once a month to either visit family or go out with a friend, so that way I'm still maintaining communication with the people that I give a shit about and making sure that I am doing things.

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Worrying about becoming a homebody

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And that leads me into the next one, which is worrying about becoming a homebody. I mean, it's not a hugely bad thing, but I often end up having to force myself outside. In my case, I do have stage 4 deeply infiltrated endometriosis in my bowels that makes going out a little bit challenging, but what I've been doing is just gathering data regarding local attractions, parks, and things like that. Just looking up the kinds of places that I like, making a list, and ticking them off.

Making a point, when the weather is nice, because I don't like going out in the rain, to make time to go to some of these places and see what's about. If I'm not feeling too good, I keep it local, and if I'm feeling better, then I'm open to going a bit further afield.

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Prioritising my wellbeing

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Another thing that's really genuinely been helping is making sure that I'm prioritising my wellbeing, because underneath it all, if you don't have that, you don't have shit. And I'm learning to do that, because having to manage a chronic pain condition, in my case stage four endometriosis, which is an all-consuming systemic condition, along with trying to navigate work and showing up and being present for my friends, as well as maintaining a tidy home and taking care of two beautiful cats, there's a lot to consider. But in order for me to do all of those things, my wellbeing has to be top dog. It has to be prioritised.

So I make a point of giving myself time each day to just rest. And I mean rest. I'm learning how to intentionally rest, and actually rest, without feeling guilty about not filling every single minute of the day with something, because I feel like productivity will be the death of some of us. I've already burnt out once and I'm not interested in doing that again, because when I'm burnt out, nothing gets done.

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Getting tradespeople in

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Another anxiety I have is when I have to get tradespeople in, because it's really a game of Russian roulette. I'm finding that I'm having to research really thoroughly whenever I need something done around the house, well beyond what is considered standard. We all know why, and I've actually got a post about the realities of having tradies in your house as a solo female homeowner and the issues around that. So that is something I have to consider whenever I'm looking people up.

I have to look deep into the history, really assess the situation, and make sure that when they do come around I know exactly what to say and what not to say. This can be a little bit stressful because I sometimes forget, and then I start worrying about the consequences. I have started to look up female tradespeople because I personally feel a lot safer, and so far that's been a helpful shift.

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Anxiety as a solo homeowner is real, and it shows up in more ways than just money worries. It's a bit deeper than that isn't it?? It's the fear of losing the thing you worked so hard to get. It's the quiet of an empty house. It's the pressure of managing your health, your relationships, your home, and yourself, all at once.

I don't have it all figured out yet, and it might take me a while to ever get there, but I'm learning. I'm picking things up along the way, putting things in place that give me a little more peace, and getting better at asking for help when I need it.

If you're navigating this too, I hope something here was useful. And if it wasn't, at the very least, know you're not alone in this thing!

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