Living alone has regulated my nervous system.

How Having My Own Space Regulated My Nervous System

Moving into my own space has worked wonders to regulate my nervous system. For years and years, I was just moving around unregulated. I did not know what the hell I was doing, or how I was feeling from one day to the next. Everything felt out of control.

Now I am in a position where things feel a lot more doable. I am starting to realise that it is actually possible to make things easier.

I have to admit that there is a certain level of privilege that comes with the ability to live in a space of your own. I know that deeply, because I spent 15 years trying to get a place of my own.

During those 15 years, I lived in the family home and rented, dealing with all the complex dynamics that come with sharing living situations with other people.

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Stress, Black womanhood, and neurodivergence

As a result of all the things we deal with as Black women (and especially with the intersection of disabilities) we end up generating so many autoimmune conditions because we carry so much stress and so much grief.

In the process of carrying all of that, it becomes vital that we find home.

Sometimes the physical spaces we are living in do not feel like home at all. Which is why here on Bambush, I state that home can be a place, a space, a thing, or even found within people. You might find home within the things you love to do. Home is not always just a physical space.

When you are living in a physical space that does not feel like home, while dealing with everything the world places firmly on your shoulders, it can feel debilitating. Finding a sense of home within that struggle is survival.

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Capacity, clarity, and nervous system regulation

Having the ability to buy my own house has given me an immeasurable sense of nervous system regulation. I feel so much lighter.

I am still dealing with all the same challenges I had before in terms of my health, managing my time, and navigating day-to-day situations. But the difference is that I now have more capacity to deal with these things.

I am able to organise my life in a way I struggled to before, simply because there is less brain fog to fight through every single day.

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A safe foundation for us all

I just hope that for us as Black people, as Black women, as the least protected members of society, we are able to experience what it is like to live alone in our own spaces at some point in our lives. Or at the very least, if you do not want to live alone, to live in a space where you feel fully supported, comfortable, and safe.

That is truly what I want for all of us. Having a safe sanctuary is foundational to being able to cope with the bullshit that goes on outside.

When you do not have a solid, calm base to return to after dealing with the perils of the world, it can be extremely draining and make everything feel impossibly difficult.

This was just a home truth on my mind today. If this resonates with you in any way, I hope it brings you comfort.

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Summary

• Home Beyond Four Walls: Home is not strictly a physical building, it can be a routine, a creative project, a space, or a sense of safety within yourself.
• Reducing Chronic Stress: Having total control over your environment lowers constant sensory overload and helps soothe systemic, stress-induced health conditions.
• Expanding Daily Capacity: Removing shared-living dynamics and household friction clears executive function fog, giving you more mental battery to manage daily tasks.
• Reframing Solitude: Living alone is not loneliness; it is autonomy, peace, and quiet sensory restoration.
• A Sanctuary as Survival: Having a supportive, comfortable base to return to is foundational for processing external pressures and protecting your mental health.

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